From Carl, September 30th...

Hey friends, this is Carl writing today. Two days ago I took Collins to the swimming pool. There were several families from another group out there that day. One of the other adoptive dads and I began sharing our stories. They were here for their third adoption from China. As Jill has said earlier, most of the kids going out of China through adoption right now are special needs. Collins was considered special needs because she was born with a cleft lip, but it had already been repaired when she was left at the gate of the orphanage three years ago. This man at the pool was so excited about their latest adoption of a three year old girl. I asked him what her special need was and he said if I would look really close on the back of her neck I would be able to see a sack about 2-3" in diameter. He said the lower part of her brain was slipping, actually moving into the sack where her upper spinal cord was as well. She will be having surgery as soon as they get back to the States. She's blind in one eye, but there she was with her new family, playing and swimming. This guy told me that he was a believer, and he looked me in the eye and said, "It is OUR responsibility to take care of the 'least of these'". I know that plays out in a lot of different ways, and it was really refreshing to hear that from this guy and see this little girl with a family. Jill and I have noticed such a change in some of the orphans in our group. At first, some of them just looked sort of lifeless in their eyes. It's been so cool to see them change. When you go from an orphanage to loving parents, good medical care and nutrition, some big things happen. We've seen these children blossom before our eyes. Yesterday we went to the U.S. Consulate and took an oath. There we all were in the same room together-55 families with our new children. One by one names were called, and each family had to go up and sign a document. Jill cried just watching it, 55 less orphans in the world! Tonight we received Collins' passport and visa, so tomorrow we start our journey back. We cannot wait to get home and start our new normal. Thus far everyday has been filled with surprises, joys and challenges. Thanks to all of you for walking this road with us!

From Jill, September 29th...

"Most Blog-worthy"

Yesterday, something happened that was so profound that Carl and I both said this was one of the most "blog-worthy" things of this adoption journey. We were sitting in a public room in the hotel. The television was on, and a movie with Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson was playing. There was a scene where they were talking very close, no smooching but you could tell there was some chemistry between them. When the scene was over, Collins turned to me with a serious look on her face and started asking me something. I could tell it was something big because of the look on her face and because it was several sentences put together. In our 2 weeks with her, we communicate through hugs and playing, by pointing and charades and a few key phrases like "Need bathroom?" and "I love you." But anything she says to us has been just simple things of what she needs or wants. When this happened I grabbed Carl because I knew something important was happening. A lady walked in that worked at the hotel, so we asked her to translate for us. She told us that Collins was asking, "Does Mommy love Datty (she uses t's) and does Datty love Mommy?" Uhmmmm. This from an orphan who has most likely not had a marriage modeled in front of her. She knows a life of 130 kids with female caregivers. How did she know this is the way it is meant to be? The One who thought up the idea of marriage and family put it in her heart. It gives her security. How amazing that this was the first message we got from her. She needs this from us. It's unfortunate that she has been with us for 2 weeks and she couldn't tell it just by our actions, that she had to wonder and ask. She has been our total focus, and in doing that maybe we were neglecting something she needed to see. Her question was a great reminder to this marriage that children aren't to be the center of the family. They're going to leave one day, and then comes enjoyment of the harvest years of a marriage after all those years of planting. Ours will be when Carl will be in his 70's but that's okay! Carl and I were blown away when this lady translated for us, and Carl said, "Tell her Mommy and Daddy love each other, and we love her and will never leave her." She did, and Collins gave us a huge grin. Then Carl gave ME a big kiss!

Just a few more pictures before we see you at church

From Jill, September 27th...

Okay, so since we've had some seriously heavy blogging lately we wanted to share some of the lighter moments in the past 11 days since we got Collins.

Today we went shopping into the heart of Guangzhou (population 13 million). We were able to take a cab there (cost $1.50 in U.S. dollars), but we couldn't get a cab to get back home. Finally out of utter desperation, Carl hailed down a man on a motor scooter These are only legalized for handicapped people. So this is a small scooter with a little bench attached to the back of the driver's seat. Understand this looks like it is as old as the hills and about to fall apart. The driver can't speak English but Carl shows him our room key with the hotel name on it and he agrees to get us back for about $3 U.S. Please get the picture that we are in New York City type traffic. It is INSANE! And we are on the main roads! We are swerving in and out of cars and bicycles and trucks. The only thing I could hang onto was a little side handle, and I kept thinking if it broke I would fly off and be road kill. I have NEVER prayed that hard in that short amount of time EVER! Welcome to China. There are people everywhere. Masses of people with no where to put them. They live in these huge high rise apartments and hang their clothes out the window on bamboo poles. The lingerie drawer is visible for all to see! I's been so interesting to see how people on the other side of the world live.

As we've said before, Collins is very active. She is interested in everything and what its purpose is. She saw me grab my eye drops, so she took the bottle and wanted to put them in for me. She did so perfectly. One time she pulled me down to her level and motioned for me to open my mouth. Just like a dentist, she took 2 fingers on either side of my mouth and pulled it open. With a serious look on her face she scanned the uppers and scanned the lowers, nodded her head as if it was all fine and walked away. Geez, I guess I passed her approval. One of her favorite things is playing with my hair. She's good at it too. That must have been something they were able to do in the orphanage. She grabs barrettes and stretchy necklaces and rubber bands and I end up with some crazy hairstyles. Most of the time I'm saying "tong" because that is "hurt" in Cantonese. It does hurt like the dickens, but it's good bonding. One of the highlights of each day for her is a bubble bath. She's learned to go under and hold her breath like she's swimming, so she's very proud of herself for that.

Today we were in a store and Carl took the wig off of a mannequin and put it on her. All the store clerks came by and thought she was a little doll baby. She loved it when Carl switched the wig to his head. Also today she ran up to a mannequin of a child and picked it up before I could get to her. When she picked it up it came out of the pole that was holding it. She is laughing hysterically and I am standing there with a lot of people staring at me like I'm the worst parent around. I am holding a mannequin that I CANNOT get back on the pole. She thinks everything is funny, which is great except when we tell her "NO!" She still laughs even then. Boy, do we have some interesting parenting days ahead...

2 days ago Collins had her medical exam. I know I keep talking about the masses of people, but seriously, you cannot begin to imagine the people lined up on top of each other in that clinic. Long, long lines, every hall was lined with people, and those poor doctors and nurses running around. People were sitting and standing everywhere, and you just had to push through everywhere you went. We had to go to 5 different sections and I still cannot believe that entire experience. Collins was a brave girl getting 6 shots. She was mad as a hornet after it was over until we went to 7-11 and got her a sucker and M&M's. In the exam the doctor diagnosed her with scabies. We just thought she was covered up with mosquito bites, but it was more. Someone in our group had the medicine for scabies so we're all good now, but the doctor told us we had to change all the bedding in our room and pour boiling water over all our clothes. 3 weeks of clothes for 4 people because we still have most of Conner's clothes here too! We have a tiny tea pot in our room that will boil water, so it took most of the day to boil enough water to cover them all. Then we sent it all to a Chinese laundry which is in my opinion one of the best things about China. Love having all our clothes clean and folded perfectly and wrapped in nice cellophane packaging.

Collins is the only child I have ever been around that has no interest in television or videos. My guess that she doesn't care about TV is because they had one at the orphanage. She is interested in experiences and starved for time with people and everything else she wasn't exposed to before. I haven't be able to get her to watch even a minute or two of Veggie Tales or Dora. The only exception has been once when Conner was still here and the movie "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was on TV. She actually watched it for awhile. What does this mean? It can't be good!

In China, the people eat every part of the animals. They waste nothing. Some things on the menu and on the street we have seen: baby squid, chicken feet, ostrich kidney, pig intestines, fish head soup, turtle soup. Last night our group went to eat at a Cantonese restaurant. I was actually really food. On the sidewalk in front of the restaurant they had the turtles and other creatures that were unknown to us that would be used in the meals. We ate goose, and pig neck, sweet and sour pork and a yummy dessert which was little pastries with cooked milk in them. As for us, we are counting down the days 'til we get to eat some good old Mexican food. Collins still has a big appetite. Carl was thinking our food bill would go down a couple of hundred a month after Spencer left, but it appears not. After having a very limited menu before, she gets a kick out of all these new foods we are introducing her to. I wish you all could have seen her face when she tasted a McDonald's ice cream cone. Simply bliss.

Another day at the Safari plus our new friends in China so much fun!

From Jill, September 26th...

Maybe it's a girl thing but it's fascinating to me to hear people's stories. We are staying in China at the White Swan and there are many, many adoptive families here with lots of stories. These families are everywhere and we've met so many of them. Also our agency puts us in groups, and our group has 12 families in it. 10 of the families flew to Beijing and went out from there to their child's province, another family flew to another province, and then we have been here the whole time because Collins was in this province. Every single family we have talked to is here adopting a special needs child. It seems those are the children coming out the most. The funny thing to me is that when we switched to special needs we had to fill out medical forms, regarding what "special needs" we would take. Now that we're here and you see and talk to these children, you realize that they are just kids! The special need doesn't seem to be so big when you have this adorable child created by God standing in front of you. It's just been funny to me that being here I just see the person, not their problem. I met one single lady with no children. Her adopted daughter is 6 and has webbed feet and is missing some fingers. This child is precious and sweet and what a beautiful family has been made! What a life story! 2 lives changed forever. In our group of 12 families, half of the families are here for their 2nd or 3rd China adoption. We have lots of Chinese siblings running around. Of the 12 children, a couple have heart problems and most with cleft lip and palette. One of the families was told their little girl, about 2, had severe brain trauma. Neurologists in America looked at her records and thought it was something minor. She is a sweetheart and it's so fun to see her being loved on by her new parents. I asked one of the moms in our group what the special need was for her son. She said, "his age." He is 10. Older children are considered special needs because they are more difficult to place. She began telling me her story. They have 3 biological older sons, and then adopted a little girl from China a few years ago who had cerebral palsy. They adopted another little girl with cerebral palsy from China about 18 months ago. In the meantime, they were financially supporting a little boy in a foster care group setting in China each month. In looking at a list of kids available for adoption, she saw this boy come up! A lady in China was going to adopt him and it fell through. This mom said he was really beginning to feel sad that no one wanted him. So ow he is theirs! He's done great so far, just joined right in with the rest of the group. Collins and this boy are the only ones in our group that are not babies. 2 interesting stories from our families: one of the little boys adopted won't go to sleep laying down. He falls asleep standing and then they lay him down. Another story was when some of the families went back to the orphanage for a visit. This was in an orphanage where the babies sleep 2 to a crib. They were told that they hadn't been able to get the crib mates who were still left behind to eat for a few days after the other ones left. This is hard stuff. Orphan work is messy, but RESCUE always is. It hurts to see what life has dealt these vulnerable ones. Collins is a spirited fun little girl, but even though we think we are making progress everyday, we still take steps backward, too. We need prayer that He would heal the brokenness from her past, that He would give us wisdom and strength in parenting, and that this language barrier would be settled as soon as possible. We really need to be able to communicate to her. Thanks for all your love and prayers.

Thank you Lord for smiles,laughter and Love

From Carl...September 24th...

I remember several years ago Dr. Ed Young from Houston teaching on raising your children. The title was, "How to Tame Their Will But Not Break Their Spirit" and this little girl has both with plenty to go around. It is so exciting to see Collins wanting to enjoy every moment of life with so much zest. I mean she hits the ground running just moments after she gets up. Like Jill said, she tries to test boundaries and our patience. For the last 3 years of her life in the orphanage everything was limited or rationed...but now she feels like this bird that has been freed that is experiencing all of these wonderful things of life. And wow is she exploring those boundaries...As with any child who doesn't get their way, her tendency is to whine, and we don't "do whining." But these are things she has to learn, all the while understanding that we love her, and that we will try to meet her needs but not every single want. After raising two boys, I'm learning about DRAMA...but what a great thing for me to have a little girl. If we are out of the hotel room, which is quite often, she wants me to carry her. Jill has decided I might as well give up weight lifting; she covers that area for me. When I realize how starved this child is for affection and attention, it hits me that for 5 years she has missed so much! After just a week with her, it is hard for me to describe the bond I already have with her. Is it possible to love an adopted child as much as your biological children? Yes! I want to give back a double portion of what she has missed. We have wondered why our trip turned into 3 weeks when most are 16 days. When we get home, I hit the ground running with work and life stuff, and I can see that this is her focused time, because God knew that she would need it. This morning I was talking to a mom who has adopted 3 times from China. She told me that Collins hitting her head against the pillow was a soothing thing for her, typical of a rocking motion as if someone was rocking her. Tonight when she was hitting her head against the seat on the way to the airport, I thought to myself, "she doesn't have to do this anymore!" As soon as she fell asleep I had to grab her and pull her into my arms. Everyday that goes by, she seems so grateful and loving. The last 2 mornings at breakfast, she got out of her seat and went and kissed Conner on the cheek, then came around to Jill, kissed her and then on to me. Around and around; we all got multiple kisses. What is better than that? Conner has been such a help in this transition and we have been so glad that he was here with us. Spencer has been able to see her and talk to her through Skype and will get to fly home to meet her in mid October. Blessings upon blessings...

From Jill...September 24th...

One of the surprises of this whole experience of international adoption for me is that I haven't cried that much. I expected that I would, but I guess we are so immersed in what we're doing day by day that we don't have time to see the big picture here. We're focused on parenting Collins and all that entails: loving her, gaining her trust, teaching her the basics, giving her boundaries and bonding with her. This is not the easiest thing we've ever done and we're far from perfect parents. We've lost our temper and we sure don't have the wisdom to know how to handle all that has come our way. Parenting her consumes us, but today at two different times, tears came to my eyes. We were riding in the van to take Conner to the airport. He's been gone two weeks and needed to get back to school. Collins' passport and visa won't be ready until the end of next week so we are here until then, and the time can't get here soon enough. We are very homesick. But on the van ride Collins was very happy, singing and laughing and kissing us, etc. Then she yawned, settled back in her seat and started hitting her head against the seat with her eyes closed. Over and over and over. She's done this in the middle of the night several times. We hear thump, thump, thump and she'll usually stop it if I go over and rub her head. But in the van she kept doing it, then she went side to side like Stevie Wonder does. Then she went to sleep with her thumb in her mouth. As I watched this tears came to my eyes. "Oh sweet baby girl, you had no one to rock you or comfort you to put you to sleep. So you figured out how to do it yourself." How I wish I could have gotten to her before now! The day we got her, I tearfully thanked the lady from the orphanage for loving her until we could get her. The day we went to the orphanage Carl thanked the nanny for loving her as well. But I just grieve that for the time she was 20 months old until a week ago, she was in an orphanage. It's not supposed to be that way. Children are not supposed to live in orphanages. They were created by God to grow up with loving parents. But we live in a broken world, and the existence of orphans are a sure sign of that. There are 143 million of them in the world. There are half a million children in the foster care system in the U.S. There are over 100,000 of those waiting for someone to adopt them. And each and every one has a heartbreaking story. We'll never know Collins' story. Did her parents let her go because of poverty? The one child policy? No one knows but she knows something didn't happen like it was supposed to. As I said earlier, she rarely sits still, but if she sees a mom with a baby she studies them. With Carl and I sometimes she will pretend to be a baby to get what she missed. She sometimes wants me to feed her even though she is as capable as an adult in handling a full glass of liquid and the use of knives and forks. Yesterday we were watching Carl and Conner play tennis and she wanted me to hold her and give her her water bottle like it was a baby bottle. Part of her story is that life in even the best orphanage doesn't allow for a baby to have somebody come every time they cry. It doesn't allow for being held and fed and cuddled and cherished. So we're making up for lost time.

Tonight we were putting her to bed. We've been singing, "Jesus Loves Me" the last couple of nights. What a great simple song with the most phenomenal truth in the history of the world: Jesus really does love me. That truth changes everything, and it's very doubtful that Collins would have ever heard that truth if she hadn't been adopted by a Christian couple. She was in a government run orphanage and has never heard anything like that. But we were singing it, and quietly she joined us. Tears! I have never heard anything more precious. This sweet little husky voice following along with us. I had to stop. The big picture of her hearing and knowing the love of Christ just overwhelmed me. As Carl has told me before, orphans are a huge unreached people group. Millions and millions of them around the world. I'm not trying to be dramatic nor am I trying to "spiritualize" this. But I just can't get past that this group of people has no voice, and that there are so, so many of them, and that each and every one has a heartbreaking life experience. We're not all supposed to adopt of be foster parents. But there are so many other ways to help them. Monthly support of a specific orphan, mentoring foster kids or teens, mission trips to build orphanages that better their lives, teaching life skills at a children's home, giving financially to help a couple adopt, helping to get clean water to those in 3rd world countries, etc. There are so many things we can do for them that can give them some dignity and in some cases literally save their life. Just today I was talking to one of the moms in our group who has adopted a 2 year old little girl. They got her a week ago and she was in bad shape. Something had bitten her in the back and it had gotten infected. One of the other adopting dads in the group was a pediatrician and he quickly took action. She had an infection so bad that it could have gone septic at any time. This mom was telling me their little girl may not have made it if they hadn't gotten her when they did. If it had been this week, she may not have been alive. This whole adoption of orphan experience has RESCUE written all over. I'll share more of these stories tomorrow, but each and every story is about RESCUE.

A little girl's life fresh and new, an amazing God knocking at her door

Friends and Family,

Days 5 and 6 have been good. We've had ups and downs but mainly ups with LOTS of laughter. I don't think Conner Toth has laughed as much in the last 17 years as he has in the last 5 days. This little girl is a wild buckaroo with a gleam in her eye and shenanigans up her sleeve! She keeps us in stitches. Of course, oftentimes, we should not be laughing but it's difficult not to, so we turn our head. She tries to get away with things by using her quick wit, and all this with a big language barrier between us. So it's been interesting to figure out how to communicate. All she has known is orphanage life, so she's like a free bird, and we're trying to guide her in how to navigate this world out here.

Yesterday we had a day that I will never forget. We went to the safari here in Guangzhou. It's supposedly the best animal park in all of China and now I believe that to be true. We saw amazing things up close: panda bears, koalas, white tigers, more monkeys than you could imagine. We were walking through and there was a little monkey sitting on the park bench with a trainer. Carl and Conner got to hold it. It was so cute, just sitting there sucking his thumb, and then he'd run off to our stroller and grab our map and the trainer would grab it back. He did this 4-5 times. Of course, Collins was beside herself. Then we walked a little further and a man was sitting with a snake at the next park bench. We were all too chicken to hold the snake. Collins got to feed a giraffe, although she was not too happy about it.

Today we went shopping and Carl was cracking up because she would go to a rack and look at each item just like us ladies do! This at 4! A girl after my own heart. She and I went to the Mattel playroom here at the hotel twice today just to get some energy out. Tonight Carl and Conner played ping pong so we tagged along and played with one of those big exercise balls. I was pulling her along on it while the ball rolled. She wanted to pull me. So I climb up on that thing and when she started pulling me and we made eye contact, we both go so tickled. You know how you can have one of those moments when something just hits you when you're with someone and it's just hysterical? That was this! It was a big "connecting" moment for the two of us. We were both laughing hysterically, neither one of us could quit. Definitely a "you had to be there" moment, but it was such a great sensation to have with this little girl who was an orphan less than a week ago. We are so grateful that she seems to be bonding really well with us. She kisses all 3 of us on the cheek, holds our hands and wants Carl to hold her anytime we're walking somewhere. I had read that sometimes kids who come from hard places will need things they didn't get as babies. I've noticed that Collins stares at moms with their babies. Twice she's wanted to have me dress her after her bath, like you would a baby. She'll pretend to be a baby, pretend to cry and even make a fist with her hands. So we'll cuddle and swaddle and love on her and recreate what she missed. It seems to meet a need that she had. As far as food, it's an issue but we see progress. Carl took a tator tot from her plate yesterday and her face crinkled up, but then she stopped, seemed to think about it a moment and gave him the other one on her plate. At the safari yesterday we had to carry around her leftover lunch. She seems to feel more secure if food is within view.

Pray for a little girl here who is having a difficult time adapting to being adopted. She is 12 and we were there when she met her family for the first time. She did great and seemed excited. The next day when we went to the govt. office to make things official, she was sobbing hysterically. Then yesterday we saw her and her family at another meeting and she was extremely depressed. She was abandoned at 8 years old, so she is going through all those feelings of of losing everything she knows all over again. Her new family is really going through it and would really appreciate your prayers.

Just hanging with the animals at the safari and enjoying family time, so much fun.

Hey Friends,

Our 2nd day with Collins went great. We were finally able to get her out of her orphanage clothes and shoes, give her a bath and put on some of her new clothes. She went swimming at the pool, and even finally got the courage to let her Dad hold her and take her out to the middle. She is the most active child I think I have ever been around! She tackles everything with exuberance. She is not afraid of anything whatsoever. She bounces and giggles and skips and bucks and runs every waking moment! She is very happy and grins all the time.

On Day 3 we went to visit her orphanage. We were given the option and wanted to do it as it would be so good to see where Collins came from, as long as it wouldn't be difficult for her. Our guide thought it would be fine if we went as long as she was doing good, which she was. Grace talked to her 2 times about what we were doing, that she would be going back with her mom and dad to tell her friends goodbye. But then that she would leave with Mommy and Daddy. She agree, and off we went. It was a 2 hour drive from Guangzhou. Because it's in a province that is doing well economically, the orphanage was a really good one as far as orphanages go. It was a government run one that combined a nursing home with an orphanage holding about 130 children, mostly special needs. Our guide told us that very few children in this orphanage are adopted internationally. They had a playground, school room and dining hall. We saw the bed where Collins slept. It was in a room with about 12 cots. No mattresses, just a straw mat on top of the springs. There was nothing in the room other than cots, and a television on the wall. The classroom had a few desks and that was it. The babies had just woken up from their naps. We walked up to the 3rd level and there they were. 16 babies lined up on the sidewalk leaning up against the railing getting a chance to be outside. None of them made a sound. Dead silence. I leaned down to one of them and waved and said hi. He burst into tears as if he was realizing what he didn't have--a mom. He turned his face to the concrete, and kept crying the entire time we were there, face to the wall. The older kids followed us around the whole time we were there. One caught our eye and we asked about her. She is 12, and has been on the list to be adopted for 2 years but no one has come forward. If she is not adopted by age 14, then she won't be eligible. Her special need is that she has Hep B. I wondered what she thought about seeing Collins with her parents and yet knowing no one had picked her. As it got time for us to leave, we could tell Collins was getting nervous. She was playing with her friends. This was the only family she had ever known and she was about to leave them forever...for the second time. She stood in a corner and refused to leave and then came the tears. Carl had to pick her up and carry her. That was a really long walk to the van with her kicking and screaming and sobbing. We tried everything to calm her down to no avail. But about 20 minutes down the road, she finally quit crying and began eating peanut butter crackers. In a little bit she started making funny faces at me. She is such a comedian, and I suppose that was her way of making up with us. Eventually, she took her seat belt off and climbed in my lap and kissed me 4-5 times on the face. This was the first time she had shown such affection! She is an amazing little girl. She's had to be a survivor, and seems to make the choice for herself to be happy. The rest of the day she was back to being the smiling, giggly, energetic child she was on Day 2. I wrote her name "Collins Toth" on a piece of paper when we got back. I turned to do something else and she had taken a pen and copied it letter for letter on another piece of paper!

Today is Day 4 and she's had another fun day. We took her to church and sat on the back row for a quick escape if need be. She NEVER sat still the entire time, but we made it through. She had another fun day at the pool, playing with Conner and Carl. Another funny thing about this sweet girl is that she can EAT! We have to limit her food because she never stops which is typical for a child coming out of an orphanage. Tonight she ate 2 pieces of chicken, 2 rolls, and mashed potatoes. She is only 4! I wouldn't let her eat a corn on the cob after that, I was afraid she was going to throw up. She got very upset but then I just let her carry it around until bedtime and she was okay with that. I guess just holding it gave her security. She is also very neat. She found a new package of Disney underwear I brought. She pulled each pair out, popped them and carefully laid them on the table. She didn't stop until all 6 were laid right on top of each other just perfectly. Today has been an introduction to discipline too. She's testing the boundaries big time. She playfully tests us on almost everything (with a huge charming smile on her face). So we're finding a balance between trying to understand where she's coming from (plus the language barrier) and yet still give her the security that she is not the boss and there are some things that aren't acceptable like running into the street. We are constantly hugging and kissing her, and telling her we love here in Cantonese (with a southern accent of course).

Carl and I have talked about the lessons we are seeing lived out through this experience. One is the unspeakable joy of this adoption and how this is just a speck of the joy that God experiences when He adopts us into His family. And then the orphanage day...how like human nature we want to go back to what is familiar, to what is comfortable to what we can see even though it's not very good. That's the Biblical story of the Israelites, wanting to go back to bondage in Egypt and not move ahead to the abundance of the Promise Land. In that moment at the orphanage, Collins was reaching back because she had NO IDEA of the amazing life she has ahead of her, no clue whatsoever. So often we go kicking and screaming as God calls us out to something so much better. Love you all, will keep you posted.

New Pictures of our beautiful daughter Collins

"Gotcha Day"

Thursday, Sept. 16, 2010 at 8:34pm

Oh me, oh my!! What a day and what a girl! We met Collins yesterday at 2:30. When we got to the government building our agency guide, Grace, told us that the orphanage caregiver who brought Collins said that she was so excited and she was telling everybody that she was getting a mommy and a daddy. But when she walked out to us she was scared to death. She stood stiff as a board, clinging to her caregiver's hand and clutching her pink backpack that had all her earthly belongings in it. She had brought food and that seemed to comfort her while we began doing paperwork. She liked the doll we brought her the best. After awhile, the caregiver left and you could tell she was really nervous. But she tried to be brave and kept a stiff upper lip. She held my hand while we walked to the van, but once those van doors shut and we started moving, the tears began to fall. She was sobbing. I told Carl to start singing (he has a soothing voice), but he was crying right along with her. So then I started crying. Once we got it together we both started singing "I Cast All My Cares." Once we got to the hotel she marched right in and seemed amazed. Coming from an orphanage to a beautiful hotel with a waterfall and fish in the lobby was really something! We got to the room and she and Conner started playing ball. She came to life! Giggling, jumping up and down and grinning from ear to ear. She was fascinated by everything: our camera, the television, the toilet, the cell phone and computer. We think she is scary smart! She worked a 24-piece Dora puzzle that came in a box. She was determined to get it right and wouldn't quite until she finished it. She ran from thing to thing, so fascinated by lotions and the art of "tooth brushing." She watched me closely and did exactly what I did. She had two more meltdowns, once when Grace left and once when walked outside of the hotel to eat. A wonderful shop owner rescued us. She had a kitten and that darned cat helped to calm her down and distract her. At bedtime, she refused to take her Barbie dress and pink shoes off. I guess those are the only things she has that are familiar to her, that and her pink backpack. So she fell asleep in bed with us, fully clothed, watching a Dora cartoon. We are speechless. To think that this beautiful, energetic orphan is now our very own child is beyond description. Gotta run to do more government meetings. Will blog again later today.

We're in Hong Kong and the Journey Begins!

So far we've tried to recover from the 16 hour flight from Detroit to Hong Kong. Grueling but we made it. We've toured the harbor (absolutely breathtaking!) and shopped a little. This feels like New York City on steroids! Masses and masses of people everywhere, lights, all kinds of smells and activity everywhere 24/7. You can see on this blue apartment building how people stick poles out of their window and hang their clothes on them to dry! Whatever works I guess...We haven't ventured out too much eating wise: breakfast at McDonald's, lunch at Pizza Hut and dinner at KFC! 3 days til we get Collins!

Carl's Thoughts

It all started when our son Spencer was 12. He walked into the kitchen and asked his mom, "If you had $10,000 would you give it so that someone would become a Christian?" To his mom's "yes", he then asked, "So why wouldn't you adopt a little girl from China?" God spoke to Jill first probably because this decision would affect her the most on a day to day basis. By the time it came my way I was justifying how this was just not the right thing to do for our family. My points of justification were all centered around me. We weren't far from enjoying the benefits of the empty nest. Also this was going to cost $ that we didn't have. I was nearing 50 at that time and knew I needed to be thinking about retirement. It seemed like the more I looked for excuses to say no, God continued to speak to me in a more powerful way. Once I made the decision to go ahead with it, I knew it was the right thing for our family. But it still was a faith walk. Our busy life? My age? The $20,000 we needed? My wife kept telling me that $20,000 was the cost of a car! A little girl's life or a car? Easy enough. It was cool how He kept reaffirming this decision though logically it didn't make sense. Our Sunday School class went through some amazing Bible studies and books that continually kept His plan for us right in the front of my mind and heart: Chasing Daylight, The Dream Giver and The Hole In Our Gospel. He also put families in our lives who had little girls. I love to hear them giggle! We kept running into families who have adopted, and every story of every child blew my mind.

When Jill and I got married and started having kids, I wanted to have girls. I was terrified of having boys because I thought they would grow up and be like me as a teenager! A warped view of God gave me the idea that it would be "pay back" time if we had boys. But instead God demonstrated His grace through my two boys, Spencer and Conner. He got a hold of their hearts at a young age, and they have been such a pleasure to raise. Jill and I are two people who met in seminary and fell in love while studying theology. So I have to wrap some theology in here because this experience we are going through screams so much truth about God! As we go to China, I think God is about ready to reveal a powerful truth to us: When we adopt, He will show us the magnitude of His adoption of us. We can read about salvation. We can study the good news of the gospel. But when we put flesh to it, and we can see Collins for the first time, I think we will have a new understanding of what God has done in grafting us into His family, and of the immensity of His love. Throughout this process God has been unveiling Scripture to me that I've never seen before. You know how you will read something and its like a lightbulb comes on? I know that I know that I know that rescuing orphans is close His heart. We're not all called to adopt or be foster parents. But I believe God's people are called to relieve their suffering. I know He wants to use us to bring them out of their darkness. When I get to experience the joy of receiving Collins, I think I might get a glimpse of the joy God gets when someone responds to His love and grace through Christ. I can't wait!