Breakthroughs

We are experiencing so many breakthroughs with Collins. Her english in the last few weeks has made huge strides. Now she's saying sentences which is pretty amazing since we brought her home from China less than 3 months ago. She calls herself "Cowwins" and seems to want to add an "a" to many of her words. So she says things like ice-a-cream, and when she's claiming something for herself she'll say, "Its a Cowwins." She almost always wants to be the one to pray at meals and bedtime, and even asks to pray at random times like riding in the car or in the middle of mealtime. She always prays the same thing, something she came up with on her own. "Jesus loves-a me Daddy. Jesus loves-a me Mommy. Jesus loves-a me Tonna (Conner). Jesus loves-a me Saspensah (Spencer)......". I guess she heard us pray to Jesus and she knew the song, so thats how she put it together in her mind. She's also made huge strides in her behavior. I cannot believe what 3 months of love and nutrition and instruction can do for a child. Its really been miraculous to watch. Christmas has been great for her. She has loved having Gran Jan and Spencer here. Spencer had a party with all his friends and yes she was literally the life of the party and ended up with 4 or 5 of the white elephant gifts that night. As they were leaving one of the girls told me that she wanted to have kids as a result of Collins. That makes me smile and made me realize that maybe some of these college kids will adopt unwanted children one day as a result of Collins. When you can get to know a child that was an orphan then adoption doesn't seem so scarey or far out. I can see God using this spunky little girl already. One of the highlights of Christmas was having her hand out candy to women prisoners and kids from children's homes. They were at our church for a dinner in early December. Collins wore her santa dress and went down aisle after aisle, handing out peppermints, all the while taking her job very seriously. The women prisoners especially just glowed meeting her and hearing about her recent adoption. We had a HUGE snow Christmas day, biggest snow in Asheville on Dec. 25th since 1969. She was a little unnerved at playing in the snow at first, but soon got into it. She and her brothers and dad made a huge snowman. But the best part was sledding and shoveling the driveway. The snow kept my brother and his family unable to drive here, so we met them today in Atlanta. It was love at first sight as Collins' understanding of "her" family grew by 6 today! She took right to them and when it was time to go she wanted to go home with them. So nice for this little one who had no family to jump all the way to extended family. Seeing her giggling in her aunt's arms, and playing with her cousins....good, good stuff. On the way home from Atlanta she kept wanting to count all 6 of them, and so we went through their names over and over. I was telling her that Gran Jan was Uncle Kyle's mommy. She shook her head and said, "No! Uncle Kyle is Cowwins!" No trouble with bonding with this one....Tonight I was getting her into bed. She was putting things in her new princess purse and had just taken off her wig from the "Bippity Boppity Boutique" at Disney. She was twirling around with a pink scarf Savannah had given her and all of a sudden she said, "Mommy. Cowwins SO happy." I nearly fell over. Her english is just now at the point where she can tell us her thoughts. Her cousin Abby made her a book of their family and all of us together. We read that book and turned out the lights. She prayed and then we both laid there for awhile in silence. Then came one of those moments. Collins whispered in the dark, "Mommy. Cowwins so glad you Mommy." That is a breakthrough I will never ever forget.

IHOP and MOSES

The best Christmas present for me is having all my chicks back in the nest. Today the five of us went to eat breakfast at IHOP. We were sitting next to a very nice older couple, and they enjoyed meeting Collins and hearing about our recent adoption. About halfway through our meal, with tears in his eyes this gentleman looked at me said, “This child is like Moses.” He went on to say that Moses was born into a hostile environment (death of baby boys because of the large population of the Israelites and the threat that was to Pharaoh). God preserved his life by putting him into the palace as a result of Pharaoh’s daughter’s “adoption” of Moses. Pharaoh wasn’t going to say no to his little girl….So the deliverer of Israel was supernaturally rescued and preserved because there was a great work for him to do. Wow…Collins was born into a wonderful country but because of their enormous population, most couples can only have one child. Families prefer boys to carry on the family name, and so the orphanages in China are full of little girls. Hostile environment. God has sovereignly chosen this little girl to be preserved and taken out of that. Our little house is not a palace, but compared to what she came from it’s the Biltmore Estate. She has been rescued out of a life without a mom or dad, brothers and grandmothers. Most importantly she has been taken from spiritual darkness to a place where she can know the one true God in a personal way. Preserved. I believe she will be used in a mighty way. I believe there is a great purpose for her life. This encounter today reminded me again that her story is and will be pretty miraculous. He is up to something…

Thanksgiving and December Shots

Perfect Days

Perfect days don't come along often, but today was pretty close. I'm sitting here listening to Aaron Keyes, reflecting on this Monday, December 13th. We had a big snow, and Conner was home because school was out. Tonight we had the fire going, a Christmas movie playing, and somehow we ended up eating cobb salad on the couch. Collins looked at me like this was about as good as it gets. She smiled up at me, then put her hand on my back and starting rubbing just as a way of thanking me and loving on me, I guess. This morning this strong willed little girl had gotten in trouble AGAIN. She climbed in my bed while I was putting on my make-up. A few minutes later I heard a little husky voice say, "I sowwy Mommy". So many sweet moments in the midst of the hard parts of teaching her how to live in this new life she's come into.

The most perfect day I can remember recently was a few weeks ago. It was a Sunday, and in our Connect Group (Sunday School), we had an african pastor and his wife as our special guests. They had their little girl with them who wasn't supposed to make it to her first birthday. Baby Grace was born with her intestines outside her body. Her parents were told to throw her away. They had no $, no transportation to the closest hospital in Monrovia, Liberia. Yet God made a way for them to get there, and a Chinese doctor just happened to be there visiting. He was able to do the initial surgery but told them she wouldn't live to her first birthday without a second surgery. Enter our Connect Group. Lorie Newman in our class had planned a mission trip to Liberia to do women's ministry there. (Lorie has adopted from Liberia and Haiti, and is waiting to adopt 2 more from Liberia. We are adopting sisters. YES, we were matched with a 6 year old from Liberia about 18 months ago named Rebecca, but the country is letting very few of these children out. We don't know if we will ever get them. Hope so. The poverty these children are living in is indescribable, and I so want Collins to have Rebecca as her sister.) Anyway...Lorie planned the trip but couldn't go because of a pregnancy. Enter Leah Gillen from our class who went on the trip, and met this pastor and his wife. That led to Leah and another woman getting Vanderbilt Hospital to offer to do the surgery for free. Another friend in our class, Rebecca Norton was able to get Delta to donate the flights. This baby came, had the surgery and then came to our class to celebrate her first birthday! As the father spoke to our class about his life's story, my mouth was hanging open. The atrocities of living in a war-torn country ! It's mind boggling to think of the orphans and the broken and the poor in Africa. And yet...God saved this baby's life and used these 3 women to help in that. At the end of the class I saw Baby Grace's mom go over to meet Rebecca for the first time. This was a serious hug with many, many tears! Can you imagine, coming over to meet someone who had gone out of their way to help save your baby's life on the other side of the country? I'm telling you...a perfect day. It doesn't get better than that. After church we rushed down to South Carolina for a wedding. Our friend Cheryl was getting married. Her husband Andy died suddenly 18 months ago leaving her with 2 sons, 15 and 7. Andy was such a fun person and its been so hard to lose him. We were rejoicing with Cheryl that there would be joy after so much pain. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've been to. It was on top of a mountain in a chapel with gorgeous views. They had Michael O'Brien as their singer, which was over the top amazing! At the reception Collins went right to the microphone, climbed in his lap and sang. Everyone stopped to listen and gave her a big applause! So that was even more perfection to add to the day. We raced home, and Carl kept Collins in the lobby so I could go to our church service since I had missed the message that morning. As a pastor's wife for almost 23 years I have spent alot of time in church. But I can honestly say, I have never loved being there as much as I do now. Our church is just so alive. I'm just so grateful that we are in a church like that since we don't have a choice like most people! It's like this feast has been prepared for me each week. But that night it was just the perfect message for somebody I love, someone I had been praying for, and they were there that night. I LOVE it when God does that. He met this person and gave them the answers they needed. It changed everything for them! The perfect ending to a perfect day. Here are some photos of Collins and Michael O'Brien, Baby Grace and her parents with Lorie, Leah and Rebecca.

More of Disney

DISNEY

Okay, life is very good for little Collins Mei Toth. We are at Disney World this week, and she will meet Grandma from Florida for the first time on Friday. She has ridden lots of rides and seemed to love every minute of it. The dinosaur ride scared her a little, and she went to bed talking about the it and woke up this morning talking about it. Apparently, it made a big impression. Probably the most excited I have ever seen her in the 10-11 weeks since we got her was tonight. We stood in line to see Rapunzel and Flynn. As we moved up to be the next ones to meet them, she kept covering her mouth and grinning as if she was about to meet the President of the United States. She and Lily were able to chat with the happy couple, hug them and get their picture made together. Afterward, she was talking as fast as she could in Cantonese, telling me over and over about the experience, showing me the hug, and looking as if it was the biggest moment of her life. It was just plain cute. I think she thought she had just met a real prince and princess. She is learning so much english these days, saying phrases and words all the time. Its coming rapidly.... so fast its hard for me to keep up with all her new words. It's been such a good thing this week to see her interacting with Catherine Grace, Maggie and Lily. I know she misses being around kids and it does my heart good to see her playing and laughing with these girls....and of all places - at Disneyworld!

REST

As I've said in an earlier blog, adopting an older child in our case means dealing with overstimulation constantly. Translation: she is pretty wild. When she's nervous, she's especially wild, and so I know its not comfortable or restful for her when she's acting like that. Because Collins has not gotten what she needs the first 5 years of her life, we are having to retrain her brain to: "Yes, someone will take care of me. I don’t have to be in charge. Yes, they will love me no matter what. Yes, somebody cares when I cry and they will come and try to meet my need. I can trust this person. They are trustworthy." So this cycle of trust has to be repeated over and over so that she learns she can trust us. She is safe now. Her needs matter to us. She is valued, loved and cared for. We are trustworthy. She can believe us, so FINALLY she can be calm on the inside. Its all okay now.

Inner rest is what this child needs. I can’t wait for her to heal on the inside so she can have that! And yet this is something we all aspire to, to have peace, to be at rest. As a parent, this is what I so desperately want for Collins, just as our heavenly father wants that for each of His children. He wants us at peace about ourselves and our circumstances because we are trusting in Him. In the LONG wait of this adoption, I put an index card in the front of my adoption file to give myself a truth just to battle discouragement. It quoted Jesus, "My peace I give to you..." and then underneath I wrote something I had read somewhere..."This is a peace that comes from looking into His face and realizing His undisturbedness." He wasn't disturbed by the long wait. Everything was right on schedule. He was giving His peace about the situation to me.

I recently taught on Psalm 95 and for this blog I'm sharing some of that message on this Collins blog because it was a spiritual lesson that has been fleshed out for me the past 8 weeks with her. Even more than that, these were truths that are heavily intertwined with my life story. This is long and hopefully not too preachy, but hey, what do you expect from the blog of 2 people who met at seminary?

In the last couple of verses of Psalm 95 the psalmist gives a warning about not having REST because of unbelief. In verses 8-11 he refers to the 40 year detour the children of Israel took because of their lack of trust in God as He led them along. Their murmuring and complaining and unbelief led to their exclusion from the promised land. This was the consequence of their lack of faith. These people had trust issues! But obviously we do too. It’s the natural fleshly default to not believe. Not trust. To forget what God has done for us in the past.

These verses in Psalm 95 are repeated in Heb. 3 and 4, a complicated passage but one whose theme is, you guessed it, REST.

What do I mean by REST? When you look at REST in the OT with Israel, rest was their inheritance. They didn’t get all that God had for them because they simply didn’t believe Him. Not obtaining rest for the Christian means failing to enter into all the blessings that could be ours (our inheritance) if we had faithfully trusted and obeyed God. That is startling to me, because I don’t want to miss ONE SINGLE thing that He has for me. For the Israelites, their blessing was limited. They didn’t receive all that God had for them, even though they were still His kids.

This can tie into rewards in heaven, but there is also our daily inheritance from God right now. His peace, His joy, His complete acceptance and love. Incredible riches in Christ are ours DAILY, that is our inheritance. Like Israel, we can forfeit that rest by just simply not believing God.

In fact you see this throughout the whole Bible. I don’t know if this sounds theologically sound, but as you read the Bible from cover to cover it seems that God’s problem or frustration is that His people repeatedly don’t believe Him. The people of Israel would see His mighty works over and over. They would experience His supernatural provision and care, and STILL they wouldn’t believe Him when the times got tough. Sometimes when reading their exhausting history you can feel like saying, “What a bunch of losers! Why couldn’t they see?” And yet, then I think of myself and my faltering faith. I think of the disciples in the New Testament. Jesus told them to their face what would happen, that He had to go through the cross and that He would rise again. But it's as if He had never said a word when it all came down. Maybe thats why He kept saying to them, “O ye of little faith.” This is the problem that God has with His people.

So here in Psalm 95 and in Hebrews, God warns us not to follow in that same path of unbelief. Our belief or trust is very important to God. Unbelief is such an enemy of His. Here’s an example: Let's say you really struggle with self worth. You don’t feel valued. God looks at you as I would look at Collins and say, “Wait! You are the most precious thing in the world to me! I’ve done everything to show it to you. Its all in the Scriptures, my son died for you, my creation is speaking it to you daily…” And yet maybe you’re just hobbling along. That’s limited blessing because you not reading or believing what He has said about you in His Word. He’s said it, it's all there, but you’re not experiencing the unbelievable freedom and joy His truths can bring to you. Heb 3:12 says see to it that you don’t have a sinful, unbelieving heart. I know I have spent many a day in the last 47 years on the unbelief side, not trusting Him for whatever struggles I was going through at the time. And for each of those days, I wasn't experiencing the inheritance I had as a child of His that day.

This has been the story of my life over and over. In every significant thing, He speaks and I have the choice to believe or not. Belief started for me when my home life was a little shaky, and I knew then that I wasn't building on anything again that could fall apart. After that, everything from waiting on Carl, my health, each of my children, and Orphan Ministry - these were all times where there was a crisis of belief.

They were each fierce training grounds of learning to walk by faith and not by sight. God did that in my life because that’s what His people are to do. We are those people, the Christians, those people who walk by faith. Scripture says the just shall live by faith. It is critical to Him that I trust Him. I understand that so much better now that I have Collins because I'm trying to earn her trust. I'm trying to get into her brain that I am HERE for her forever, that I will never leave her, there is nothing she could do to lose my love, she is my child! That she trust me is very important, and its given me a deeper understanding of why my belief in Him is so critical.

Let me close with this. Years ago we were really wrestling with this decision on whether to adopt or not. It really was a call to care for orphans and there were so many reasons not to do it. We are older, didn’t have the $, empty nest soon... But God spoke to me very clearly in a myriad of ways, one of which was Matthew 18:5. One of the other ways that was significant was in Acts when I was reading about the Macedonian vision. Paul was trying to go in one direction in his mission work and God prevented him. One night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia pleading with him, “Come to Macedonia and help us!” That was the orphans for me, come and help us! Clearly. So Paul went. As I was studying this I was blown away by the words of commentators on this specific moment in history.

“Authentic turning points in history are few. But surely among them that of the Macedonian vision ranks high. Because of Paul’s obedience at this point, the gospel went westward: and ultimately Europe and the Western world were evangelized. Christian response to the call of God is never a trivial thing. Indeed, as in this instance, great issues and untold blessings may depend on it.” soniclight.com

Great issues and untold blessings depend on me believing what God had said to me……for us that meant going all the way to China to get this little peanut. Let me tell you, 8 weeks in, it TERRIFIES me to think I could have missed this child. To think of her in that awful life. To think that I would have not been her mother! We have such abundance and laughter with her. To think that I would not have believed God, and I could have said, “No thanks. I know you’re speaking but this really doesn’t make sense, I'm scared, I can't see, so I'd rather not.” It's astounding to think that unbelief would have cost me one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Huge Strides

Collins is making great progress. She's speaking more english, a little at a time. She's saying phrases like "let's eat", "go outside", "go see home" (when we're out), and when we're home and she wants to leave she pretends to be driving a car. Sunday night I had a meeting at church so Carl was keeping her in the foyer. She starting whining and crying for me, wouldn't stop, so Carl took her to his office where she had a meltdown. We hooked up when I got out of my meeting and she was fine. She needed to go to the bathroom and while there she proceeded to explain to me that whole episode. I totally knew what had happened without Carl telling me! She pointed to herself, and then ran her fingers down from her eyes like she was crying. She said, "Where's Mommy? Where's Mommy?", then said "Daddy" with a frown. I started laughing, she was telling on him or telling on herself! She understands most everything we say and is very clever to the point where we now realize we have to be careful what we say around her. Today, for the first time, she was without Carl or I in close proximity. Carl was at work and I had to go to work, so we bribed her by telling her Conner was going to take her to get ice cream! Somehow it worked and she jumped right in the car with him. That was a really good sign, that she knows if she's away from us that we will come back. She's still pretty much 100% dependent on me, following my every move all day long. But today she had a friend over for a little while. They did pretty good and I was actually able to be on a different floor of the house from them for maybe 10 minutes at a time. Whew! Yesterday, Collins and I put together a metal rack for her closet. She LOVED the entire experience of going to Lowe's to pick it out, and then putting it together. She's very mechanical and is fascinated with how things work and how they are put together. Maybe an engineer one day.... At bedtime she went to the closet, pointed to the rack, and asked through gestures if she could put the rack in the bed so it could sleep with her! Today when her little friend was over I was telling her that Sophie didn't have a brother. Collins looked over at Conner, grinned and said, "Caca BASEBALL!" She doesn't know her other brother plays baseball too. Caca is brother in Cantonese but since its not such a nice word in spanish we get lots of looks and laughs with her. We're still trying to get her to make the switch to "Conner", and about half the time now she calls him "Tonna". If someone asks her what her name is, she will say "Cowwins." How cute is that? Another thing she really loves to do is to help me cook. She peels the potatoes for me, stirs and butters things, and is amazing at folding clothes. I'm sure the orphanage gave her lots of experience in that. Overall, we are pretty amazed at the huge strides she has made since we got her on Sept. 16th. When I think back to her behavior in China to how she is now, its encouraging to see how much calmer and compliant she is. (Except at church of course!) Yesterday, I taught the women's Bible Study at our church on Psalm 95 with our Collin's journey woven throughout. At the end they showed the video we have of her on youtube, and then that crazy girl went on the stage in front of about 150 women and sang "Jesus Loves Me" and "There is None Like You". Husky, little baby voice singing truth...what is better than that? I'll close with this. The other night Carl and I were watching the video I posted earlier on vimeo. Its an animated video about a little girl living in an orphanage who's just waiting, watching others get picked. Collins watched it through and then we were telling her that this was about a little girl in an orphanage with no mommy or daddy. We talked (through motions) that she had a mommy and daddy, but this little girl didn't. She quickly pointed to me and to Carl and then pointed to the little girl on the video. We got chills. We think she was telling us to go get her.

Hard Stuff

None of us like to hurt. It's no fun to stare pain in the face. Maybe thats why as long as I can remember I would quickly change the t.v. channel when those images of orphans and starving children were put in front of my eyes. It wasn't pleasant to think about their suffering, and so the easiest thing to do was to put it out of my mind. As I've said earlier, I have cried very little since we got Collins. Many things have been bottled up inside of me, but tonight was different. A friend who recently returned with her third child from China sent me this video from a friend's blog. I double-dog dare you to watch it and then I'll explain further.

vimeo.com/13888620

This video was made by the son of a couple in the Cincinnati area who recently adopted a little boy from China with serious medical issues. His name is Owen. Owen's big brother made this video. Below is a Owen's mom talking about his response after seeing it:

"This past week, as we have all been preparing for our presentation on Sunday, Owen watched this video for the first time. We didn't expect him to catch much of the meaning behind it, but at the end of the video, he looked at me with tears in his eyes. I asked if he was okay, and he held up his hands and said, "Nobody take her," and then he began to weep. He lay his head in my lap and cried for this little girl who was left behind. We couldn't believe how much he understood. Then he looked up at me and said, "Mommy, lot, lot babies in Kaifeng, no mommy no daddy," and cried some more. It took us awhile to console him. We suspect that, once he gets a few more years on him and once his English is intact, he will be the most powerful speaker in the family."

I hope Owen grows up to be a powerful speaker for those left behind. We went into Collins' orphanage 7 weeks ago. Honestly, its just so painful to think about what we saw there. I think I've tried to put it out of my mind and so I've focused on daily life with Collins. But this video brought it all back, and the tears fell. Imagine how those children felt as we came in, the happy family with our new little Collins. We blogged earlier about the 12 year old girl that followed us around. She's been on the list for 2 years, but hasn't been picked because she has Hep. B. At 14 she's out on the streets. Another boy about 12 went everywhere we went, smiling at us and being very charming. Was he thinking that if he smiled enough and was kind enough that we would pick him too? One little girl (I think a girl. Her head was shaved and she had on pink shorts) followed us around and looked very unhappy. As we were leaving, I tenderly placed my hand on her back. She jumped back as if I had hit her. Was it because a tender touch from a mom was just too painful? Was that touch throwing it in her face, the one thing she so desperately needed but wasn't getting, the love of a mom? I think her hope was fading.

There is a dear lady who is the receptionist at our church who shared her story with me. She was adopted at about age 10. She remembers getting dressed up every week, and hoping to be the one that would get picked. Heartbreaking to think about a child having to go through that. This is real life stuff. I've seen it with my own eyes. As painful as it is to think about, I hope God keeps this fresh in my mind. The raw reality is that tonight kids all over the world are waiting for someone to come to their rescue.

I hope you will all watch this video and share it. This Sunday is Orphan Sunday at churches all over the country. Go to orphansunday.org for more information.

Progress

Hey All,

Life with Collins is getting sweeter every day! She came into our lives on Sept. 16th so we've had her about 6-7 weeks. She's beginning to speak some sentences in English, even though I believe she understands most of the things we say to her. I guess its normal to process things and take them in first before speaking them. The other night at dinner Carl took a sip from my glass and she said, "That's Mommy's cup". Wow, we couldn't believe it, just felt like it was all of a sudden. Everyday since then baby sentences are coming out a little at a time. Things like, "Again, Daddy", "Call Gran Jan", "Let's sing", and of course...."Where's the candy?"! She is a busy, busy active girl just bustling through life everyday. I was thinking about putting her in preschool one or two days a week, thinking that she was missing being around kids. But each time we're in groups of kids at church, she clings to me like I'm her lifeline. Actually she is like that even at home. I can't go into another room without her. She's my very dependent sidekick, although if I leave and Carl is here she is fine. I've decided to wait on preschool, because as my cousin who adopted from China told me, "She is telling you what she needs." Obviously she needs mommy time. That is what she hasn't had and she desperately needs it and wants it. The other night I made some popcorn and she and I sat on one couch with our bowls, and Conner was on the other couch with his bowl. We were watching the World Series. She got settled in, took a bite, and then just stopped. She looked at me with this look on her face like this was one of the best moments of her life! She was processing how great this was. Eating on the couch, baseball, family, and the amazing taste of popcorn! She doesn't take naps at home but will fall asleep in the car often. Every single time, when she opens her eyes and she realizes where she is, her eyes light up and she is very happy! I guess she realizes this new life is not going to go away everytime she wakes up. For Halloween, she dressed up as a princess fairy. The crown didn't last long, but she had a great time at Hoopla at church and then handing out candy at our house. Once she realized the drill, she took her job very seriously. If she saw someone turn into our driveway, she would race up to them, and thrust candy into their bag whether they wanted it or not. These early days of adoption are still pretty intense, but it is so incredible to see how far Collins has come in such a short time. She will still test us on things, and still doesn't like to hear "no", but these times are becoming few and far between. She's had to figure out what boundaries are without knowing our language, so we think she's something else to be doing as good as she is! I took her to work with me today, and she sat there for 2.5 hours playing quietly. One of the ladies there who is a teacher, said in all seriousness, that she thought we had won the jackpot with this one. I have to agree. She was definitely worth the wait.

.

Check out Collins on youtube! Better one of our actual "gotcha moment" video coming one of these days.....

Here's the address:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KtKHAvvMPI

It's funny what a difference a day makes. Wednesday was difficult from start to finish. Thursday was the best day we've had yet. Wednesday, Collins just seemed frustrated and irritable and very stubborn. She fell apart over a couple of things, but especially when I wouldn't let her play with our gas stove! Oh me, oh my. This child being adopted less than 6 weeks ago and coming to America is like being dropped on another planet! Thursday she woke up in the best mood, was okay when we told her "no", and even went to work with me! I did a gold party in Waynesville at an elementary school. I took 2 friends, Ashley and Diane. One was to help me, and one to assist her. She played happily for 2 hours and did great. She's speaking little english but I think she comprehends more than we know. On her own she is saying words like "Mommy, Daddy, Caca (cantonese for brother, but not a nice word in spanish), Gran Jan, beautiful, Riley (our dog) go outside, thank you" and thats about it. But she can sing "Jesus Loves Me", "ABC's", "Twinkle, Twinkle" and "Happy Birthday". She can write her name, and works on writing numbers and letters. We bought a set of dvd's in China that help teach English comparing it to cantonese. One the airplane coming home we couldn't get the tape to work and thought we had gotten ripped off. But yesterday I tried them on the computer and they worked and she loves watching these. They started out with a few key phrases like "thank you", "hello" and "sit down". And guess what was next? Teaching them how to say "chick" and "hen". Excuse me? Am I missing something? Yesterday my back was hurting and I was explaining this to Collins because I couldn't pick her up. When she understands what you're saying she'll nod her head yes. She did this then put her fingers on my back and started massaging it for about 10 minutes! So sweet especially since I didn't ask her to. Tonight I went to a women's event at our church called "The Gathering". 800 women there, beautiful decorations, great message and a fun time had by all. During the praise and worship time tears came to my eyes. Life has been so intense since we got Collins. So good, but so intense. When I was able to just stand there and focus and think about the words and sing along, it came to me how much I missed Him. I have really, really missed time with Him. Its the only way I'm filled again, and these last 36 days has been just constant outpour. I thought about that verse in Psalms, "better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere." So, so true. I have just had 36 days of such highs getting this beautiful child. We've had the emotions of winning the lottery to exhaustion to such immense love for this child even when she's difficult. This adoption journey has been some of the biggest highs a person can go through in this life. And yet, NOTHING compares to closeness to Him. NOTHING. I came home and relished listening to some great music on youtube and itunes. Here are some songs (great words!) and also links if any of you need some pouring in as you pour out to others in your daily lives.

1. www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKu8_BUGPKc - this is Shane and Shane singing "There is None Like You"

2. www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJCYHPPqmEO - this is Avalon singing "In Christ Alone"

3. On itunes or youtube - Keri Jobe singing "The More I Seek You" and "Revelation Song"

Busy, Busy Days

Hey Blog Friends,

We are so busy in the day to day with Collins that it is difficult to find a few minutes to write, but here's an update on her life and the many things going on with our family. We had a great weekend with Spencer. It was his first time home since he left for Master's College on Aug. 11th and his first time to meet his little sister. It was WONDERFUL to have him here, but then so hard to see him go again on Sunday. Of course he and Collins had a great time playing together (soccer, basketball, baseball - yes, Carl has already bought her a pink bat!). Spencer's girlfriend, Savannah also came back this weekend from Liberty, after having met Collins the week before and winning her heart with a black purse and lots of girly things. We took Collins to the Reynolds Homecoming game on Friday night, a Girls Conference on Saturday that Savannah and I taught at, and then had all of Spencer's friends here for a party as well. She is dearly loved by all his friends. As one of them said, "Forget about Spencer and Conner. Its all about Collins for me from now on!" Sunday she was dedicated at church. I knew in my gut that she would do something. Guaranteed. And she did....Our family of 5 were all on the stage with the pastor. As he was talking she took a swat at his face! He ducked, made a quick comeback about her having a future in the "golden gloves'....Too much! She is really something else. Another family in our Sunday School class had their Chinese adopted daughter dedicated as well. The journey to get these girls has been so long and hard, and there we were, 2 families blessed beyond reason. As my friend Lorie wrote about the morning- "The forgotten were remembered, and the abandoned were chosen." So, so true. 2 little lives saved. We took Spencer to the airport and she cried the whole way home. That evening was difficult too. As we were putting her to bed, she just cried and cried like her heart was in a million pieces. Finally, after she was asleep I felt like having a big, hairy cry. I was face to face with the suffering of an orphan. I'd just spent hours in the trenches with her, and she's one thats on the way out of all that goes along with abandonment and rejection. But seeing her pain brings to life the pain of millions around the world. James 1:27 tells us they are in distress, and it just grieves me to think of what AIDS and poverty and the dysfunction of the family has done to 143 million around the world. Recently I heard from a friend that a girl that we knew of in college had been through a horrible tragedy. Her husband and 2 daughters were killed in a plane crash. Losing everyone at once? Its unspeakable pain. Collins lost everyone at once when she was left outside the gate at a Chinese orphanage at approximately 20 months. My stomach is churning as I write this. Its so hard to conceive at what that felt like for her. Spencer was 21 months when Conner was born. We have so many videos of him at that age. To comprehend his loss if we had left him outside an orphanage gate at that time is unbearable. To lose Dad and Mom and Grandma and Poppa and Gran Jan all at once. It's too much. I hope God will keep it all fresh in my mind: the child-headed households in Africa because of AIDS or the orphans that Carl and Spencer loved on in Haiti this summer because they lost their family in the earthquake. Conner was able to go to Guatemala on Spring Break to love on orphans. He told me the hardest part was going in and bonding with them, and then having to leave them. It's all too much, so much pain. But thats why we're here, to be the hands and feet of Christ to the least of these. And we can all do something. If any of you reading this feel a tickle in your spirit and would like to help in some way, I've got 2 opportunities right now:

1. Our Orphan Ministry and Sunday School class made 750 bracelets each with a child's name on it. We got the names from a website that lists foster children who are waiting to be adopted. These are mainly from North Carolina and states in the southeast. This is a serious commitment to pray on behalf of a very needy child who needs a touch from God and the love of a family. The tag on each bracelet reads: Pray that the child whose name is on this bracelet will be ADOPTED TWICE. FIRST by God/ SECOND by a Family. Then the verse at the bottom says "God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6

2. There are missionaries that we know well through our church who work with orphans overseas, one family in Haiti and the other in Africa. They are seeking to find people who will give monthly to support specific orphans. Many of these are orphans that our church members have actually met on mission trips. I have great respect and trust for their organizations. In choosing to support a specific child, we have photos and some information on them that we could get to you.

In either of these opportunities, you can email me at jtoth44@gmail.com for more information. I can send you the bracelet, or connect you to one of these orphans in Haiti or Africa.

Thanks for listening,

Jill