I Miss Jesus

We were pulling into the parking lot last week for Conner's basketball game and Collins was singing Happy Birthday to "Jesus died on the cross". She was silent for a few seconds and then quietly said, "I miss Jesus." It was a sweet and funny comment, but it's easy to relate to that on this December 12th. The psalmist said, "The nearness of God is my good", and yet my experience has been that it takes great determination to be near Him at Christmas. We all have so much to DO. The commercialism of Christmas is everywhere. Many are in deep pain. Whether it's busyness or loneliness or the fun of Christmas shopping, cooking and decorating - we can miss Him. How ironic that the celebration of His birthday can be such a distraction from Him. Collins, I miss Jesus too.

The Widows and the Orphans

Carl Toth

Here's picture of Collins and my mom 11 months ago. Collins was meeting her grandmother for the first time. Unfortunately I just spent the past week helping my mom begin the difficult transition of moving into the "assisted living" phase of her life. She's been diagnosed with Alzheimers and has gone from being very independent to someone who is confused and helpless. She struggles with names and remembering things. All of a sudden, normal day to day choices are complex for her. For 5 days I saw her struggles and vulnerability firsthand. By the time I got home, I felt like I had been on a mission trip. I was wiped out emotionally, physically and spiritually by that experience because it was MY mom that was struggling. The trip gave me a renewed understanding of the entire scope of James 1:27. God says part of pure Christianity is taking care of 2 groups of people - the orphan and the widow. We understand the plight of the orphan because of Collins and our experiences with orphans overseas. But now I can understand why God says to take care of both of these groups. They're both alone. They're both vulnerable and broken. As a pastor for 25 years, I've seen so much....but this week changed me. I have a renewed passion for these two groups. They have alot in common, and they're not pleasant similarities. Experiencing their plight firsthand, it's easy to understand why they are especially close to God's heart and why He clearly lets us know that we are to take care of them.

George Mueller on faith

"Remember, the very time for faith to work is when our sight begins to fail. And the greater the difficulties, the easier it is for faith to work, for as long as we can see certain natural solutions to our problems, we will not have faith. Faith never works as easily as when our natural prospects fail." George Mueller

Faith Walk

If one were to speed read the Bible from start to finish, one of the major themes that would surface is that its really important to God that His children trust Him. It was a huge issue with the children of Israel. It was a problem with the disciples... "O ye of little faith". Romans 1:17 says the righteous shall LIVE by faith. Hebrews 11:6 says, "Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him." Faith is simply very important to God. And it's not just that we trust Him for our salvation, but that we LIVE on faith. We trust Him for everything. I've seen this in missionaries who live on faith on so many levels, and through the journey of Orbie for Orphans, we are learning it everyday. The righteous will live by faith. Here's a cool quote I found today written in 1664.

"I find that while faith is steady nothing can disquiet me, and when faith totters nothing can establish me. If I ramble out among means and creatures, I am presently lost, and can come to no end. But if I stay myself on God, and leave Him to work in His own way and time, I am at rest, and can lie down and sleep in a promise, though a thousand rise up against me. Therefore my way is not to cast beforehand, but to walk with God by the day. Keep close to God, and then you need fear nothing." Jospeh Elliot, 1664

The words coming out of her mouth sent shivers up my spine. Collins and I were standing at the front desk of Estes Elementary, registering her for kindergarten. She was unusually agitated and nervous. As I was trying to finish up, my confident and bubbly little girl blurted out something along the lines that she wasn’t worth anything. I was dumbfounded! Not worth anything? This child has been loved and praised continually since we adopted her one year ago. I quickly said, “Collins, you are precious! You are special!” She kept shaking her head saying, “No, I not.” When we got outside she yelled out, “You not come back for me!” She thought that once school started, I was going to bring her to this new place never to return again. Pain started pouring out of her. Tears and mean words flowed. Over and over we went in circles, with many assurances that I would never leave her like that. In the midst of her tears, she kept saying she just wanted to play with Jesus, not me. She wanted to go away with Jesus, not me. I was astonished that 1)she already grasped the truth that Jesus was the one security she had, but also that 2) she thought our 11 months together as a family was just a lie. After all we had been through, how could she possibly think I would stop being faithful to her now? Driving home the thought hit me that if she was experiencing this much pain, how much more those who will never get a family?

Collins was left outside the gate of an orphanage in China when she was a toddler. So on this seemingly normal day, the excruciating pain of her abandonment was rearing its ugly head. When a child is abandoned, neglected or abused, they feel worthless. They feel unlovable. They feel they can’t trust adults, or even God. They believe lies.

Edith Schaeffer once said that a family is a “perpetual relay of truth”. A family provides not only protection and provision, but constant messages of truth. Every single person needs these core messages to survive: You are loved, you are valuable, your needs matter, you can trust others, you can trust God. For orphans and foster children, the baton of truth has dropped, and so they believe lies.

The kindergarten experience with Collins was a good reminder that the wounds of these children are very deep, and it confirmed once again the urgency of the vision God has called us to.

Finally....

The Orbie for Orphans website is practically DONE!! Thank you, Troy Norton, for using your amazing talent to create this tool to get help to hurting, fatherless children. Thank you to our donors who have sacrificed so that our vision and mission can be seen and understood through this website. Join us on this incredible journey! www.orbiefororphans.org

Can you see the transformation? Words are hard to come by right now because this is Collins’ first “Gotcha Day”. One year ago today we walked into a room in southern China and saw our black-haired little girl for the first time. How could I have imagined in that moment all the joy and laughter she would bring our way? How could I have imagined how deeply I would fall in love with this little child? How could I have imagined the enormous changes she would go through…from being terrified and grieving the loss of all she had ever known to bonding so well and loving us all so deeply?

In one year’s time Collins has gone from speaking no English at all to being fluent. Her appearance has changed dramatically. Her behavior has changed dramatically. At times it’s been tough. She has an iron will, and its been a huge adjustment for her to learn to obey and live within boundaries. But Collins has a sweet heart that aims to please, and so she has adapted. As mother and daughter, we have had our battles, but now it’s hard to even remember those fits from the early days. Today she’s my little tag-a-long buddy, who loves to shop, cook and clean with me. She’s a happy, confident, bubbly little girl who is also very ACTIVE! (with 2 old parents J)

One of the great benefits of adopting an older child is that they can communicate what it was like being an orphan. It’s therapeutic for them to verbalize and talk through those hurts and emotions. Collins turned 5 the day after we got home from China, and so about 8 months into the adoption, she began talking through her life “before”. Those conversations have been brief and only come on her terms. But the words have been bittersweet, both chilling and heartwarming all at the same time.

One night as we were laying in bed, she became unusually quiet. She looked up at me and said, “Mommy and Daddy together, right?” I said, “Yes, Mommy and Daddy together forever.” She said, “Then why you not come get me?” She was saying that if we were her forever family, then why was she sitting in an orphanage in southern China for 3 years? Ouch. I wanted to cry as I explained that they wouldn’t let us have her. There were loads of papers that had to be processed. But oh, how we wanted to go get her! They simply wouldn’t let us. She understood, and now she tells people that she was in China because of “papers”.

The other day I was putting on some red tennis shoes I bought in China. She wanted to know all about them and where I got them. Then she said, “Mommy, when I was in China I prayed for a mommy and a daddy. “ Choking back tears, I said, “Did the other kids pray?” She said, “a little bit.” I said, “Collins, Jesus answered your prayers.” She nodded yes with a smile on her face.

Another time she said, “Mommy, when Collins in China, Collins sad. Collins cry. Collins no mommy, no daddy, no brothers.”

That hurt behind those simple words has changed our lives forever and is the motivation for our leading Orbie for Orphans. Statements like that are devastating, especially when you consider that less than 1% of 153 million orphans are adopted each year. The sheer number of children who feel such immense sadness is hard to wrap our minds around. The vast majority will never be like Collins. They’re going to age out of the system without ever getting a family. Orbie for Orphans will focus on getting help and healing for the vast majority that will never get out.

But today…..we CELEBRATE one year of rescue for this amazing little person.

Happy Gotcha Day, Collins!