Can you see the transformation? Words are hard to come by right now because this is Collins’ first “Gotcha Day”. One year ago today we walked into a room in southern China and saw our black-haired little girl for the first time. How could I have imagined in that moment all the joy and laughter she would bring our way? How could I have imagined how deeply I would fall in love with this little child? How could I have imagined the enormous changes she would go through…from being terrified and grieving the loss of all she had ever known to bonding so well and loving us all so deeply?
In one year’s time Collins has gone from speaking no English at all to being fluent. Her appearance has changed dramatically. Her behavior has changed dramatically. At times it’s been tough. She has an iron will, and its been a huge adjustment for her to learn to obey and live within boundaries. But Collins has a sweet heart that aims to please, and so she has adapted. As mother and daughter, we have had our battles, but now it’s hard to even remember those fits from the early days. Today she’s my little tag-a-long buddy, who loves to shop, cook and clean with me. She’s a happy, confident, bubbly little girl who is also very ACTIVE! (with 2 old parents J)
One of the great benefits of adopting an older child is that they can communicate what it was like being an orphan. It’s therapeutic for them to verbalize and talk through those hurts and emotions. Collins turned 5 the day after we got home from China, and so about 8 months into the adoption, she began talking through her life “before”. Those conversations have been brief and only come on her terms. But the words have been bittersweet, both chilling and heartwarming all at the same time.
One night as we were laying in bed, she became unusually quiet. She looked up at me and said, “Mommy and Daddy together, right?” I said, “Yes, Mommy and Daddy together forever.” She said, “Then why you not come get me?” She was saying that if we were her forever family, then why was she sitting in an orphanage in southern China for 3 years? Ouch. I wanted to cry as I explained that they wouldn’t let us have her. There were loads of papers that had to be processed. But oh, how we wanted to go get her! They simply wouldn’t let us. She understood, and now she tells people that she was in China because of “papers”.
The other day I was putting on some red tennis shoes I bought in China. She wanted to know all about them and where I got them. Then she said, “Mommy, when I was in China I prayed for a mommy and a daddy. “ Choking back tears, I said, “Did the other kids pray?” She said, “a little bit.” I said, “Collins, Jesus answered your prayers.” She nodded yes with a smile on her face.
Another time she said, “Mommy, when Collins in China, Collins sad. Collins cry. Collins no mommy, no daddy, no brothers.”
That hurt behind those simple words has changed our lives forever and is the motivation for our leading Orbie for Orphans. Statements like that are devastating, especially when you consider that less than 1% of 153 million orphans are adopted each year. The sheer number of children who feel such immense sadness is hard to wrap our minds around. The vast majority will never be like Collins. They’re going to age out of the system without ever getting a family. Orbie for Orphans will focus on getting help and healing for the vast majority that will never get out.
But today…..we CELEBRATE one year of rescue for this amazing little person.
Happy Gotcha Day, Collins!
Carl Toth
