Check out Collins on youtube! Better one of our actual "gotcha moment" video coming one of these days.....

Here's the address:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KtKHAvvMPI

It's funny what a difference a day makes. Wednesday was difficult from start to finish. Thursday was the best day we've had yet. Wednesday, Collins just seemed frustrated and irritable and very stubborn. She fell apart over a couple of things, but especially when I wouldn't let her play with our gas stove! Oh me, oh my. This child being adopted less than 6 weeks ago and coming to America is like being dropped on another planet! Thursday she woke up in the best mood, was okay when we told her "no", and even went to work with me! I did a gold party in Waynesville at an elementary school. I took 2 friends, Ashley and Diane. One was to help me, and one to assist her. She played happily for 2 hours and did great. She's speaking little english but I think she comprehends more than we know. On her own she is saying words like "Mommy, Daddy, Caca (cantonese for brother, but not a nice word in spanish), Gran Jan, beautiful, Riley (our dog) go outside, thank you" and thats about it. But she can sing "Jesus Loves Me", "ABC's", "Twinkle, Twinkle" and "Happy Birthday". She can write her name, and works on writing numbers and letters. We bought a set of dvd's in China that help teach English comparing it to cantonese. One the airplane coming home we couldn't get the tape to work and thought we had gotten ripped off. But yesterday I tried them on the computer and they worked and she loves watching these. They started out with a few key phrases like "thank you", "hello" and "sit down". And guess what was next? Teaching them how to say "chick" and "hen". Excuse me? Am I missing something? Yesterday my back was hurting and I was explaining this to Collins because I couldn't pick her up. When she understands what you're saying she'll nod her head yes. She did this then put her fingers on my back and started massaging it for about 10 minutes! So sweet especially since I didn't ask her to. Tonight I went to a women's event at our church called "The Gathering". 800 women there, beautiful decorations, great message and a fun time had by all. During the praise and worship time tears came to my eyes. Life has been so intense since we got Collins. So good, but so intense. When I was able to just stand there and focus and think about the words and sing along, it came to me how much I missed Him. I have really, really missed time with Him. Its the only way I'm filled again, and these last 36 days has been just constant outpour. I thought about that verse in Psalms, "better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere." So, so true. I have just had 36 days of such highs getting this beautiful child. We've had the emotions of winning the lottery to exhaustion to such immense love for this child even when she's difficult. This adoption journey has been some of the biggest highs a person can go through in this life. And yet, NOTHING compares to closeness to Him. NOTHING. I came home and relished listening to some great music on youtube and itunes. Here are some songs (great words!) and also links if any of you need some pouring in as you pour out to others in your daily lives.

1. www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKu8_BUGPKc - this is Shane and Shane singing "There is None Like You"

2. www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJCYHPPqmEO - this is Avalon singing "In Christ Alone"

3. On itunes or youtube - Keri Jobe singing "The More I Seek You" and "Revelation Song"

Busy, Busy Days

Hey Blog Friends,

We are so busy in the day to day with Collins that it is difficult to find a few minutes to write, but here's an update on her life and the many things going on with our family. We had a great weekend with Spencer. It was his first time home since he left for Master's College on Aug. 11th and his first time to meet his little sister. It was WONDERFUL to have him here, but then so hard to see him go again on Sunday. Of course he and Collins had a great time playing together (soccer, basketball, baseball - yes, Carl has already bought her a pink bat!). Spencer's girlfriend, Savannah also came back this weekend from Liberty, after having met Collins the week before and winning her heart with a black purse and lots of girly things. We took Collins to the Reynolds Homecoming game on Friday night, a Girls Conference on Saturday that Savannah and I taught at, and then had all of Spencer's friends here for a party as well. She is dearly loved by all his friends. As one of them said, "Forget about Spencer and Conner. Its all about Collins for me from now on!" Sunday she was dedicated at church. I knew in my gut that she would do something. Guaranteed. And she did....Our family of 5 were all on the stage with the pastor. As he was talking she took a swat at his face! He ducked, made a quick comeback about her having a future in the "golden gloves'....Too much! She is really something else. Another family in our Sunday School class had their Chinese adopted daughter dedicated as well. The journey to get these girls has been so long and hard, and there we were, 2 families blessed beyond reason. As my friend Lorie wrote about the morning- "The forgotten were remembered, and the abandoned were chosen." So, so true. 2 little lives saved. We took Spencer to the airport and she cried the whole way home. That evening was difficult too. As we were putting her to bed, she just cried and cried like her heart was in a million pieces. Finally, after she was asleep I felt like having a big, hairy cry. I was face to face with the suffering of an orphan. I'd just spent hours in the trenches with her, and she's one thats on the way out of all that goes along with abandonment and rejection. But seeing her pain brings to life the pain of millions around the world. James 1:27 tells us they are in distress, and it just grieves me to think of what AIDS and poverty and the dysfunction of the family has done to 143 million around the world. Recently I heard from a friend that a girl that we knew of in college had been through a horrible tragedy. Her husband and 2 daughters were killed in a plane crash. Losing everyone at once? Its unspeakable pain. Collins lost everyone at once when she was left outside the gate at a Chinese orphanage at approximately 20 months. My stomach is churning as I write this. Its so hard to conceive at what that felt like for her. Spencer was 21 months when Conner was born. We have so many videos of him at that age. To comprehend his loss if we had left him outside an orphanage gate at that time is unbearable. To lose Dad and Mom and Grandma and Poppa and Gran Jan all at once. It's too much. I hope God will keep it all fresh in my mind: the child-headed households in Africa because of AIDS or the orphans that Carl and Spencer loved on in Haiti this summer because they lost their family in the earthquake. Conner was able to go to Guatemala on Spring Break to love on orphans. He told me the hardest part was going in and bonding with them, and then having to leave them. It's all too much, so much pain. But thats why we're here, to be the hands and feet of Christ to the least of these. And we can all do something. If any of you reading this feel a tickle in your spirit and would like to help in some way, I've got 2 opportunities right now:

1. Our Orphan Ministry and Sunday School class made 750 bracelets each with a child's name on it. We got the names from a website that lists foster children who are waiting to be adopted. These are mainly from North Carolina and states in the southeast. This is a serious commitment to pray on behalf of a very needy child who needs a touch from God and the love of a family. The tag on each bracelet reads: Pray that the child whose name is on this bracelet will be ADOPTED TWICE. FIRST by God/ SECOND by a Family. Then the verse at the bottom says "God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6

2. There are missionaries that we know well through our church who work with orphans overseas, one family in Haiti and the other in Africa. They are seeking to find people who will give monthly to support specific orphans. Many of these are orphans that our church members have actually met on mission trips. I have great respect and trust for their organizations. In choosing to support a specific child, we have photos and some information on them that we could get to you.

In either of these opportunities, you can email me at jtoth44@gmail.com for more information. I can send you the bracelet, or connect you to one of these orphans in Haiti or Africa.

Thanks for listening,

Jill

10 Days at Home

Okay, so we've been back in the U.S.A. for 10-11 days, and we're just beginning to get our bearings. All this girl drama is quite a change for this household! Collins is smiling and giggling most of the time, but she's had plenty of meltdowns too which is totally understandable considering all the changes she is having to adapt to. There is frustration because of the language barrier, and I'm sure she has moments of grieving those she left behind. She has great spunk and a strong will, and with all she has been through in her 5 short years, these qualities have served her well. I'm sure the idea that the "strong will survive" is especially true in an orphanage. After almost a month with her, we're so, so grateful that she's bonding so well (no shortage of hugs and kisses with her), and have seen progress in her "wildness". We knew that often older kids who are adopted are pretty wild for awhile. Its like they've been let out of jail, and there is so much to see, do and experience out here in the world. Its easy for them to get over-stimulated, and just seem out of control. We've learned the hard way that too much sugar and chocolate really don't mix well with all of that. She had another treatment for scabies as well, and its amazing how much better the last 2 days have been. No tantrums or tears at all, just 2 fun, calm days all in all. She wanted to get upset when we took Gran Jan to the airport but she pulled through it. Our house is on the market and I got a call this morning that it would be shown in 4 hours. Collins was a great help! She got inside the bathtub and sprayed and wiped for at least 15 minutes. She vacuumed the hall and wiped down the bathroom counters. She's still pretty dependent on me, but now I can be in another room in the house. She practices writing her name alot and has learned a few more songs. Carl and Collins go swimming at the YMCA almost every night and that is absolutely her favorite thing to do, other than playing with Riley our dog. She's also riding her bike, playing with play-dough, jumping rope and having me count how many times she can dribble a ball or twirl in the hula-hoop. You are all going to think I made this up, but she picked up the hula-hoop and went 381 times without missing! Conner is just that good too. I do not get how they do it, except that they barely move their hips. They had to have had a hula-hoop at the orphanage. Carl has been so amazing with Collins. I think kids can tell if their parents enjoy them or not, and he really enjoys her and she knows it. They have a special relationship already. Tonight he was saying something to her about her bubble bath in a silly way. She got embarrassed and acted as if she was in middle school! She rolled her eyes and shook her head like "Oh Dad!" She is speaking very little english, but she lets us know her thoughts as best she can, mainly through "charades". The other night she couldn't go to sleep and was miserable with the itching from the scabies. She looked at Carl, pointed to him and then put her hands together telling him to pray for her. Some of her meltdowns have come at bedtime, so we started playing Steve Green's kids cd's. Carl was singing along with it and she shushed him, pointing to his lips and then putting her finger over her mouth! Today a friend gave her an apron with her name monogrammed on it. When I pulled it out, her face lit up. She saw "Collins" and pointed to herself with a huge grin. She knew what aprons were for because then she pointed to herself, then acted out stirring something in a bowl, then pointed to me and to Carl. She was telling us that she was going to cook for us. I'm totally open to that. So...all in all we're doing good. The time at home has been full of ups and downs. During one of the downs, I looked at my mom and said, "This is not for the faint of heart!" Carl and I have seen impatience and selfishness and anger surface in our lives, and thats not been pleasant. Our experience has not been some kind of "pollyanna" story, where's its all been just sugar and spice and everything nice. Taking a child that has come from a hard place is truly a rollercoaster, but we wouldn't have missed this for the world! What a delight she is to our lives! What a faith walk this has been and continues to be! Believers are the ones that are called to walk by faith and not by sight. If we had walked by sight through this whole long process, and even now, we would have jumped ship and missed the immense blessing of this little person. Oh how I love following the One that leads us out of our comfort zone to higher challenges and higher joys!

Better Every Day

Our new life with Collins gets better everyday. We've been home in Asheville for five days now, and she's getting more secure and courageous about things. She will let me be out of her sight in a different room in the house now for a short time, and she's even kissing Riley our dog. Riley is the one that may run away from home, this has rocked his world, but he'll learn to love Collins in time. In his old age he seems a little irritated by all her attention. We're all still trying to recover from jet lag and feel normal again. On Tuesday night we went to Conner's baseball game about an hour from here, and that felt great, because it was our normal life again with a wonderful addition added to the mix. Conner was in the dugout and when Collins realized he was in there, she started screaming at the top of her lungs over and over again, "CACA!" That is the cantonese word for brother. I think he was embarrassed and secretly thrilled at the same time. Wednesday night we went to church and were able to speak at Wednesday Night Live. Carl's speaker for the night had to cancel at the last minute, so up we went, jet lagged and all! Collins sat on the front row with Gran Jan (my mom) as Carl and I shared our adoption story from beginning to end. About halfway through, she wanted to come on stage. She went straight for the microphone, so we had her sing "Jesus Loves Me". I know I'm a proud Mama, but there were tears all over that room. We talked some more and then Gran Jan asked that she sing it again, so she did. She even sang it a few more times without being asked, wanting the mic the whole time....quite the ham, that girl. At the end we showed a slide show of our trip with a Steven Curtis Chapman song, more tears. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to get that on this blog. Today Collins discovered a bicycle in the garage that friends had given us. No training wheels, but she was determined to learn how to ride that bike. Our neighbor Scott took her up and down the street again and again. She hasn't quite mastered it yet but is almost there. I think the one thing she is missing is being able to play with other children so we're trying to get her with other kids when we can. This weekend she's going to TC Roberson Homecoming, apple-picking in Flat Rock, and Katherine Grace's birthday party! She is ROBUST thoroughly enjoys all these new life experiences...it is so much fun to watch. Pictures soon to follow....

Home Sweet Home

We made it home safe and sound Saturday night after a 16 hour flight, a 5 hour layover, and a final flight home from Detroit. Collins was great on the 16 hour flight, thanks to prayers from many and nice stewardesses who could speak her language and explain things to her. By the time we got home we had been traveling 28 hours with a little bit of sleep for her and none for Carl and I. Riley our dog came running out of the house to greet her as we came in. She was petrified and started crying hysterically. Not the warm fuzzy entrance into her new life we were hoping for! But in the 2 days we've been home, Riley is all she studies. She wants to be in the same room with him all the time, trying to gain the courage to pet him. Right now we all feel like we did when we came home with a newborn. We're exhausted from jet lag, and every waking moment she has to be in the same room with Carl or I. Very dependent as she tries to figure this new life out. I'm sure our house, though it is small, seems overwhelming to her. It has been so fun to see her reaction to things. She opens drawers and doors, ooh's and aah's over what she finds. She's taken well to Granny and everyone she has met so far. Her 5th birthday was on Sunday and some friends had a birthday cake for her. We had never seen her interact with other kids, but she warmed up to them and played with them and even shared her toys. Sunday night we took her to church. She grabbed a basketball and dribbled and passed the ball with other kids in the lobby most of the time. She was able to play with 2 little girls who are both about her age, and they were both adopted from China. She gave lots of hugs and grinned alot, and seemed so amazed at her new life. Good things and nice people everywhere she goes! We went out to eat, and the music was playing and she danced and danced and danced! We've laughed alot in the last 3 weeks. And yet we know she is in a time of huge transition, we all are, and there are challenges and hurdles each and every day. I had read a facebook post recently from my pastor's wife that said something like, "What God does is good in the end. If its not good, its not the end." Even though we are blissful about this beautiful child, its still a little bit like survival mode time. The exhaustion and language barrier don't help things, but as we keep moving forward she will learn quickly and will understand how to live out here in the real world. This morning Carl and I both woke up early feeling almost dehydrated spiritually. So much pouring out without enough pouring in. How refreshing it was to just have some quiet time and get truth in: Psalm 68:6 - God sets the lonely in families (I love that! He chose Collins just for us and His hand plucked her out of such a dark environment and set her right in our family). Psalm 100 - Serve the Lord with gladness. (All day everyday feels like "serving". This day by serving her, we were reminded that we are really serving Him. In Matthew 18 Jesus said, "He who welcomes a little child in my name welcomes Me." And then elsewhere, "When you've done it to the least of these, you've done it unto Me." His promises and truth strengthen us and completely change our mindset for the day, as the reality of what is really happening here is brought to light in those scriptures. Once again for this day: "Thy Word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path." Love to all and thanks again for the incredible support we've been given.