Happenings....

We are so busy doing life its hard to find time to blog. I'm down with the flu right now, so here goes....Collins continues to progress in a million ways. She keeps us laughing most of the time. Her english is phenomenal considering we got her less than 5 months ago. One of the biggest blessings for her and us right now is her school. She is going to 1/2 day kindergarten at a Lutheran church five days a week. She wouldn't let me leave her there for about the first week, but we learned a little song "Mommy Comes Back", and finally it registered with her that I would always come back for her. Yesterday was the first time she would let me leave her in Sunday School, and last Wednesday was the first time she let me leave her in Awanas. So....big, big steps forward! Tomorrow we're going to Arkansas to my mom's house. She has been packing her little pink suitcase for weeks. My cousin Beth, adopted a little girl from China years ago. Her name is Jade and she and Collins' birthdays are 2 days apart in the same year! Beth and I went on this journey together so many years ago, and here we are about to bring our girls together. Faith becoming sight.....The other day Collins wanted to sit in the very back seat in our van and I was saying "no". She said, "My cousin Jade telled me to sit in the bat (back)." Her english words are pretty much right, but one that makes me laugh that she says often is "crelly", which is "pretty". She is playing basketball, the only girl on the team. She cracks us up because she plays it just like Spencer did at that age....like it is football! Knocking people over, and yelling at them if they try and guard her. She's competitive and aggressive in sports, and then yet she's lovable and sweet and girly all at the same time. She spends alot of time changing outfits, accessorizing, doing her hair....The other day she saw my wedding picture and wondered about it. I told her that was the day Daddy and Mommy got married. She burst out with, "Where's mine?" I explained this wasn't going to happen until she grew up, to which she burst out crying that it wasn't happening now....Oh my....She's gone to such extremes in such a short time, to having nothing to having so much. Reality hasn't quite set in that she doesn't get everything that she wants. I keep telling her thats not how life works out here, and she's slowly getting it I think. That has been such a lesson for me, just relating that to my relationship with Christ. He gives me millions of things everyday, every breath that I take, and yet I dare to get upset when He doesn't give me something I want? Yikes....Being an orphan, Collins learned to be a blamer. If someone does something she doesn't like (especially Carl or me), she'll cut those beautiful eyes, lift her chin up and say, "I tell Tonna (Conner)"! Recently she has started saying, "I tell everybody!" Last night, she got really upset when we asked her to go upstairs to get her bath. The situation went south, and finally after I had her in bed she was still crying. I said, "Collins, Mommy and Daddy love you. We give you food, and toys and drive you to school....and you threw a fit just because we asked you to take a bath?" A few seconds later came the sweetest little, "I sowwy, Mommy!" We're finally able to reason with her and she understands. Those outbursts are becoming few and far between, but I like posting them in here so I can remember them. They can be pretty funny. One night she was mad at me for making her brush her teeth (geeez) and she told me she was mad at me. Then she blurted out, "I LOVE SAVANNAH!" Savannah is Spencer's girlfriend who she absolutely adores. I asked her if she loved Spencer? No. Mommy and Daddy? No. Conner? No. Just "I LOVE SAVANNAH". Another day she was mad at me for not letting her wear flip flops in the snow. She was in time out in the kitchen. I had gone upstairs, and when I started coming back down, she was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Her hand was on her hip, hip out, chin high and eyes cut. She said, "Cowwins no love Mommy, Cowwins love Daddy!" She's hilarious..... Friday was a hard day. Friends of ours, Cody and Maria Whittaker, lost their little 4 year old daughter to cancer. Carl and I had an appointment with them at noon on Friday. When we pulled up and got to their front door, we knew she had just died because we could hear them crying. Standing in Susana's bedroom, seeing her tiny body, I had such a strong sense that she was not there. And she wasn't, she was experiencing "absent from the body, present with the Lord." How any family can go through something like this without the hope of Christ is beyond me. After about 30 minutes, I had to go pick up Collins. I ended up taking their 6 year old, Isabela, with me to spend the day with us. We picked up 2 other friends. It was neat to see God use Collins' bouncy personality and these other little girls to help Isabela through a very tough day. You can check out the blog of Susana's story at howcantheyhear.org.

Susana's Suffering

My heart is so heavy tonight for our friends Cody and Maria Whittaker. They took that big leap of faith over a year ago to move to Haiti to serve the orphans there. 2 months later the earthquake hit, and then 2 months after that the real bomb dropped. Their 4 year old, Susana, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. After all these months of treatment in Asheville, Florida, and at Duke, things were looking up. But then today came the news. It's not good. You can read their post from today at:

http://www.howcantheyhear.org/?p=2668

I got the news while shopping with Collins at Walmart. She helped me pick out a doll and some suckers for Susana and her sister Isabella. Tonight at bedtime we went to say our prayers and we talked about praying for the little girl who is sick. Collins ran with it. Through charades and words, she led me through what to pray. First the suckers, then no tong (hurt) in her tummy, no tong in her head, throat, left eye, right eye, arms, elbows and legs. And a little child shall lead them....

Much Laughter

Collins continues to make us laugh everyday. She's got a big personality and quick wit, so there's not a day that goes by that we aren't smiling at this little one. She's a little general who monitors if everyone in the household says "thank you" and "I'm sorry" when they are supposed to. She even monitors and has caught someone not washing their hands after going to the restroom! Her eyebrows go up, she points her finger, cuts her eyes and has that look like she just caught you in a serious crime. It's hilarious. Yesterday I couldn't find my keys and she lit up and said "Cowwins find it!" She went to my van, climbed all the way to the back end, pulled out a purse of hers and there they were. She had gone through the house and put some treasures in her own purse. She keeps me humble, having told me I was "too big" in some places and "too small" in others. Aaaah! This morning I had washed my face and was putting on lotion. I told her we put lotion on our skin so it will be beautiful. She pointed to my pre-makeup face and said, "Mommy's skin NO beautiful. But Mommy's nose is beautiful and Mommy's ear is beautiful." Most of the time she's a lovebug, kissing and hugging and full of joy and enthusiasm. She says, "I wuv you" quite often. Her tantrums are almost gone completely. Thats pretty fantastic since it was 4 months today that we saw her for the first time! The progress in her behavior has truly been amazing to witness. But....she still has her moments, don't we all? She's a 5 year old child. Today her little strong will was really strong. She got upset because I wouldn't let her wear flip flops (we still have snow on the ground). A tantrum ensued with her ending up in time out. She kept telling me that she was gonna tell Tonna (Conner) on me. I told her she had to stay there until she said she was sorry. After awhile I heard a mean "I'm sorry". When I asked her if she really meant it, she got mad again and pointed to the corner she was in and said "I stay here!" Then she said "Cowwin's strong!" and showed the muscle in her arm...I tried to tell her she didn't have to be the tough girl anymore. We loved her no matter what and would take care of her. It didn't take long before the flip switched and she was playing and giggling and life was good again. The longer she is here, the more relaxed she is. She's calming down as she gets more secure. We still are dealing with alot of separation anxiety though. I'm in half day kindergarten with her, and Awanas, and Sunday School. She will not let me leave her except with family and a few friends. Although she actually did have a sleepover with our friends the Crawfords! I couldn't believe it and still can't. She did great and even got to feed the horses. One of the things that makes me laugh the most is her little female manipulation tactics. If I tell her something she doesn't like, like "go get your socks" or "go brush your teeth", she's get this little pouty look and say, "Cowwins cry!" To which we smile and say, "go ahead...". She and I were in Walmart recently buying groceries before the big snow. She was in the cart and leaned into me for a hug. I went through the list of everybody that loves Collins and when I said Jesus loves Collins, she said, "Let's pray." I said, "Now?". She nodded, took my grocery list and held both of my hands. So right there in the baking aisle at Walmart, here comes "Jesus loves-a me Daddy. Jesus loves-m Saspensah. Jesus loves-a me Tonna..." She's teaching me to pray without ceasing in more ways than one! She is also playing Upward basketball and her first game was today. Lots of dribbling and holding the ball, but no attempts at shooting. She loves to "do hair", wear frilly dresses and play with baby dolls. But even more so, she is physically strong, active and very athletic. All that combined with her comedy makes her the perfect fit for the Toth household. Carl, Spencer and Conner laugh at her alot, and I often think, "What if we had missed this?"

Breakthroughs

We are experiencing so many breakthroughs with Collins. Her english in the last few weeks has made huge strides. Now she's saying sentences which is pretty amazing since we brought her home from China less than 3 months ago. She calls herself "Cowwins" and seems to want to add an "a" to many of her words. So she says things like ice-a-cream, and when she's claiming something for herself she'll say, "Its a Cowwins." She almost always wants to be the one to pray at meals and bedtime, and even asks to pray at random times like riding in the car or in the middle of mealtime. She always prays the same thing, something she came up with on her own. "Jesus loves-a me Daddy. Jesus loves-a me Mommy. Jesus loves-a me Tonna (Conner). Jesus loves-a me Saspensah (Spencer)......". I guess she heard us pray to Jesus and she knew the song, so thats how she put it together in her mind. She's also made huge strides in her behavior. I cannot believe what 3 months of love and nutrition and instruction can do for a child. Its really been miraculous to watch. Christmas has been great for her. She has loved having Gran Jan and Spencer here. Spencer had a party with all his friends and yes she was literally the life of the party and ended up with 4 or 5 of the white elephant gifts that night. As they were leaving one of the girls told me that she wanted to have kids as a result of Collins. That makes me smile and made me realize that maybe some of these college kids will adopt unwanted children one day as a result of Collins. When you can get to know a child that was an orphan then adoption doesn't seem so scarey or far out. I can see God using this spunky little girl already. One of the highlights of Christmas was having her hand out candy to women prisoners and kids from children's homes. They were at our church for a dinner in early December. Collins wore her santa dress and went down aisle after aisle, handing out peppermints, all the while taking her job very seriously. The women prisoners especially just glowed meeting her and hearing about her recent adoption. We had a HUGE snow Christmas day, biggest snow in Asheville on Dec. 25th since 1969. She was a little unnerved at playing in the snow at first, but soon got into it. She and her brothers and dad made a huge snowman. But the best part was sledding and shoveling the driveway. The snow kept my brother and his family unable to drive here, so we met them today in Atlanta. It was love at first sight as Collins' understanding of "her" family grew by 6 today! She took right to them and when it was time to go she wanted to go home with them. So nice for this little one who had no family to jump all the way to extended family. Seeing her giggling in her aunt's arms, and playing with her cousins....good, good stuff. On the way home from Atlanta she kept wanting to count all 6 of them, and so we went through their names over and over. I was telling her that Gran Jan was Uncle Kyle's mommy. She shook her head and said, "No! Uncle Kyle is Cowwins!" No trouble with bonding with this one....Tonight I was getting her into bed. She was putting things in her new princess purse and had just taken off her wig from the "Bippity Boppity Boutique" at Disney. She was twirling around with a pink scarf Savannah had given her and all of a sudden she said, "Mommy. Cowwins SO happy." I nearly fell over. Her english is just now at the point where she can tell us her thoughts. Her cousin Abby made her a book of their family and all of us together. We read that book and turned out the lights. She prayed and then we both laid there for awhile in silence. Then came one of those moments. Collins whispered in the dark, "Mommy. Cowwins so glad you Mommy." That is a breakthrough I will never ever forget.

IHOP and MOSES

The best Christmas present for me is having all my chicks back in the nest. Today the five of us went to eat breakfast at IHOP. We were sitting next to a very nice older couple, and they enjoyed meeting Collins and hearing about our recent adoption. About halfway through our meal, with tears in his eyes this gentleman looked at me said, “This child is like Moses.” He went on to say that Moses was born into a hostile environment (death of baby boys because of the large population of the Israelites and the threat that was to Pharaoh). God preserved his life by putting him into the palace as a result of Pharaoh’s daughter’s “adoption” of Moses. Pharaoh wasn’t going to say no to his little girl….So the deliverer of Israel was supernaturally rescued and preserved because there was a great work for him to do. Wow…Collins was born into a wonderful country but because of their enormous population, most couples can only have one child. Families prefer boys to carry on the family name, and so the orphanages in China are full of little girls. Hostile environment. God has sovereignly chosen this little girl to be preserved and taken out of that. Our little house is not a palace, but compared to what she came from it’s the Biltmore Estate. She has been rescued out of a life without a mom or dad, brothers and grandmothers. Most importantly she has been taken from spiritual darkness to a place where she can know the one true God in a personal way. Preserved. I believe she will be used in a mighty way. I believe there is a great purpose for her life. This encounter today reminded me again that her story is and will be pretty miraculous. He is up to something…

Thanksgiving and December Shots